to grandmother's house we go
I am going to my Great-Grandmother's house today and she is very old. She is 95, so she was alive during the "olden days". I don't know much about her, because she really only talks about bean crops and riding trains and such, so I have conjectured a lot of facts about her here, for my own enjoyment, and hopefully yours as well:
This is her boyfriend:
His name is Dr. Phineas K. Sherwood, and he makes headache tonics and various elixers in a travelling show. That is how they met. She was a young vagabond at the time, just riding the rails from town to town, trying to make a quick hustle at three card monte, or to earn a few pence shining a shoe.
This is her, Velma Haines:
One day, just after news reached town of the ironclad Merrimac breaking the Union blockade, Sherwood was walking to meet an acquaintance for a cordial, and so he had his shoes shined by young Velma. After she finished, he tossed her a piece of eight, or whatever the hell kind of money those people used. As she bit into it to test the coin's authenticity, she caught a look of surprise in his eyes, for few people doubted the honor of Dr. Sherwood. Just as their eyes met, Prey Soucy, the owner and piano player of Soucy's Saloon began playing
When My Sugar Walks Down the Street by Irving Mills, and they knew they were to be sweethearts.
Absolutely none of the previous paragraphs are, or for that matter probably even could be true. I have no idea when the vaudeville era even happened, or who was involved in it. I don't know if she was alive during the Civil War, because I don't really know when that happened either. But I think it was during the time that they had soda jerks, people rode horses, and there was no electricity. Also, all the men of that time had mustaches and wore striped shirts with arm garters, and all of the children had dirty faces. I think the women were all ugly, but a lot of them would sleep around, and they had names like "Sassy Kate" and "Curly Jane" and they stuck their legs out of balconies to lure in men. Then they would drink opium tonics and have sex.
Some of that last part might not be true either.
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As Christmastime nears...
Since it is almost Thanksgiving, many new products are rolling onto store shelves everywhere for the giant commerce-fest that is the birthday of the christ child.
The most stupid one I have yet seen is the Oakley
Thump.
Yes, it is a pair of sunglasses with a built in mp3 player. How fucking brilliant. Never has the presence of sunglasses prevented me from wearing headphones, nor has the wearing of headphones prevented me from wearing sunglasses.
One thing I do know about sunglasses is that they are easy to lose, and people frequently do lose them. Fortunately, with Oakley's patented new "Thump" technology you can now lose your sunglasses and mp3 player
at the same time!
With the invention of newer and smaller electronic technology, it has never been easier to lose two things at the same time. For instance, it used to be easy to lose you cell phone, and easy to leave your camera somewhere, but now you can easily lose both at the same.
Thats what I call effiency. Notice the following chart:
You've got to admit its getting better, getting better all the time.
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at last, my forever came today
Until now I have been unable to remember the name of the show about these aliens in California with weird heads, but ten suddenly today it popped in my head: Alien Nation!
I never watched that show, not even one episode, but I was aware of it, because it was on the cover of TV Guide once when I was younger, and my parents got TV Guide. Actually not TV Guide, but that free tv guide thing that comes with the paper.
Regardless, I looked the show up on
Tv Tome and when I showed
Bunny the pictures of the aliens she said:
"I bet their testicles look like meatballs." That was all she had to say. I'm in love.
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Am Dm Em C Bm
While you're home in your living room,
I'm drunk on the subway tube
i'm trying to get out of this ugly parking lot
scene that I'm wandering
I've left you alone again;
your messages unreturned, no time the pay phone
Just keeping our noses clean, while swimming in salty seas
we're jumping in dirty leaves, to hide from the grass machines
that won't leave us to ourselves I can't help but tell myself
that I cannot help any more, and you've become such a bore
but we, bite our tongues, try to swallow the world
try to fill up our mouths till our throats are closed
if, we swallow it down, we won't make a sound
when the pipes are too filled up with dirt from the ground
i'd swallow my pride, but I'm swollen inside
from the weight you have kept in for oh so long
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...jellicle cats come out at night
I went to a great house warming party for
Parker last night. He moved to Athens, but has been on tour for a while, so he is just getting settled into his new digs. His place is the pinnacle of style, and his friends were all interesting folks. Sometimes I forget that real people exist, and the party last night was a good reminder that they do, because it was full of them.
I met authors, musicians (not "Athens musicians", but real musicians, who know about music and literature and phrygian modes), scientists and genuine intellectuals. This town is full of "intellectuals" and I hate almost all of them. These intellectuals were different. They had facts to back up opinions, and well thought out ideas to back up those facts. Instead of thoughtlessly lambasting Bush or crying the praises of John Kerry these people wanted to talk about things such as how George McGovern helped start a downward spiral for the Democratic party.
No one ther vomited or got drunk off of their faces, they just sat, or stood, and listened to Willie Nelson work tapes and got to know each other, and enjoying the company of each other, and I sat and loved every minute of it.
If you are reading this Parker, thanks for a great evening, and I cannot wait to do it again. Also, I think somehow I left my cell phone at your house, but I cannot call you to verify that, as I have no cell phone.
Bunny should be in contact shortly, if you ever answer your phone.
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The Doggy Life is Changing
The Doggy Life is undergoing some major revamping, I hope everyone likes the changes. Posting will be more frequent, content will be more worthwhile, rainbows will shine brighter and such.
My own personal life is undergoing some major revamping (no, I didn't break up with Bunny, I didn't mean that kind of vamp) and details will come soon....
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Does Anyone Read The News Anymore?
Instead of going on with a very long and boring tirade full of profanities and biased opinions here is a selection of interesting news articles culled from the past few days:
Voting Group Finds Irregularities in South
Election problems due to a software glitch change outcome of election
Computer glitch still baffles county clerk
Broward County Machines Count Backward
Palm Beach County Logs 88,000 More Votes Than Voters
Glitch gave Bush extra votes in Ohio
Thats just a few of many similar articles. Why is no one outraged? Where are the flag waving defenders of freedom and democracy now?
In states with paper ballots, the actual vote tallies were very similar to the exit poll results
In states with electronic voting, Kerry lost a significant percentage of votes between the exit polls and the actual votes being counted.
And then there is
this.
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